*SHUDDER*

Here’s a Smartphone That Feels Like ‘Baby Skin,’ If That’s What You’re Into

It's also made of cashews?
Never Settle... for a phone that just feels like a phone. (Screengrab via oneplus.net)

Never Settle… for a phone that just feels like a phone. (Screengrab via oneplus.net)

Are you sick of your current smartphone because it doesn’t feel like a living infant? Then you’ll love the new One phone from OnePlus — also known, unfortunately, as the OnePlus One.

The phone doesn’t come out until mid-to-late May, but it’s already inspired one reporter from Engadget to write the following incredibly creepy sentence about it:

“The white one is our favorite, as its special coating — apparently made out of powdered cashew nuts — gives a ‘baby skin’ feel, which is most noticeable when you gently stroke it with your cheek.”

You had us at “cashew nuts,” but you lost us when you stroked a cell phone against your cheek in order to fully appreciate its “‘baby skin’ feel.”

The questionable anthropomorphism doesn’t stop there. On the OnePlus One’s website, the company describes its new product as having “subtle curves, clean lines and a slim profile.” Are they describing a smartphone, a supermodel — or a blowup doll?

The OnePlus One does sound impressive, but it’s hard to focus on tech specs when we’re too busy cringing at language that makes us worry that whoever wrote it hasn’t had any human contact since entering the tech industry. We at Betabeat are all for descriptive writing, but let’s try to remember our smartphones are just digital devices — not the disembodied skin and limbs of babies and women.

(h/t Time)

Follow Molly Mulshine on Twitter or via RSS. mmulshine@observer.com