Love in the Time of Algorithms

OKCupid’s Most Desirable Straight Man Sounds Like a Creep

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grossed out kristen wiig

(Photobucket.com)

Online dating might be the best way to get a date these days, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a nightmare.

Case in point: this New York magazine article about the four most popular New Yorkers on OKCupid. The site’s cofounder shared the stats after examining which users got the most messages in a one week period.

Most of them are totally normal humans coping with X rated spam from their many online admirers. The straight male among them, though, is a different story.

James Hawver, 29, “Is the living embodiment of his OKCupid handle, MyTiesAreSkinny,” NY reports. The “preppily handsome” online dating junky insists in his profile, “Ryan Gosling could play my stunt double. That is, if I didn’t already do my own stunts.”

Okay, skinny ties, sense of humor, so far, so good. But then, OKCupid points out his online dating practices. Not only does he swipe right on every single woman he sees on Tinder in order to goose his numbers. He also has a standard formula and pickup line that he uses on all of them:

“When he messages women on ­OKCupid­, it’s time-consuming: He reads the profile and tailors each email with personal details. On Tinder, he basically tweaks the same message. ‘The last person I matched with was Allison,’ he says. If he were to send a message to Allison on a Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday, it would read: Hey there Miss Allison. What kind of trouble did you get into this weekend? :) ‘That’s exactly what I do, every fucking time,’ he says, laughing. For Wednesday: Hey there Miss Allison. What sort of trouble are you getting into this week? :) Thursday or Friday: What kind of trouble are you getting into this weekend? :) And if it’s Saturday: What kind of trouble have you been getting into? :)”

BARF. Everyone knows guys who use the :) emoticon are the worst… Literally, it’s been proven by science(ish). But apparently it’s working for Mr. Hawver, who recently checked Tinder to find he’d been matched with 890 women. Good for him?

Follow Molly Mulshine on Twitter or via RSS. mmulshine@observer.com