Love in the Time of Algorithms

Survey: Most Women Want a Simple Proposal So Let’s Chill on the Viral Stunt Videos

I don't care how good you are at the Cotton‐Eyed Joe, it has no place in your proposal.
"srsly can you not?" ‐ Olivia Munn (Photo: VanityFair.com)

“srsly can you not?” ‐ Olivia Munn (Photo: VanityFair.com)

The viral marriage proposal video, complete with singing, dancing and dumb stunts, is something we hope to leave with 2013. And science may be on our side.

A survey from the U.K. (like America but classy and bad at spelling) says that 51 percent of women just want their boyfriends to say, “Will you marry me?” like normal people. We knew it. 

Of the remaining 49 percent, 15 percent want their beau to “use technology,” 11 percent are fans of the “extravagant proposal,” and the remaining 22 percent are scattered evenly among four choices: “by dance,” “by poem,” “by song,” and “the longer the better.” Cheeky minxes!

Of the 15 percent who weirdly want their future husbands to “use technology” to propose to them, 40 percent want the question to be popped via social media; 32 percent want it over the phone; 17 percent want to be texted about it; and 11 percent would actually settle for an email proposal.

We’re going to give these English freaks the benefit of the doubt and assume the small amount of people who want tech proposals are in Catfish‐type scenarios and are merely trying to save themselves the hassle of having to meet up with their beloved twice, once for the proposal and once for the wedding. Why else would you ever, ever want someone to propose to you over email?

Still, the main takeaway from this survey is that your girlfriend does not want you to channel your inner Michael Scott when proposing. Just get to the point and get it over with so you’ll both be one step closer to the open bar.

Follow Molly Mulshine on Twitter or via RSS. mmulshine@observer.com