silicone valley

This New Microchip Will Keep Track of When Your Fake Boobs Need a Tune-Up

Because who's got the time these days?
(Photo: Getty)

(Photo: Getty)

If the only thing stopping you from getting fake boobs is the prospect of remembering when you got them, you’re in luck. A company has created microchip that will help doctors glean the make and model of your faux fun bags simply by scanning them with a handheld device.

The company Establishment Labs is marketing the new microchips, according to the New York Daily News. The company is based in Florida (duh) and Belgium (huh?), and they say the radio frequency identification chips will give doctors and patients “easier access to information about the implants, including their serial number, manufacturer name and other data.”

The technology isn’t just intended to lend a helping hand to scatter-brained plastic surgery enthusiasts. From the Daily News:

“The innovation could provide an extra level of safety assurance following health scares like the one generated by a French company last year after it was discovered their products had been made with an unauthorized silicone filler. The implants manufactured by Poly Implant Prothese (PIP) had double the rupture rate of similar products, causing health risks such as scarring and breast malformation to about 300,000 women in Europe and South America.”

The chip will hit the market in 28 European countries soon, the Daily News reports, and the company’s seeking approval to release it in South America, the Middle East and Asia. Until it’s approved in America, doctors will have to settle for the old-fashioned method of gleaning a breast implant’s age: cutting it open and counting its rings.

Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to ice our sweater puppies; we have psychosomatic pain due to having read the phrase “rupture rate.”

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