App for That

Like the Coworker Who Does Spin at Lunch, Annoying New App Shames You Into Exercising

Good job doing remedial tasks, human.
Good work, human! (Photo: iTunes)

Good work, human! (Photo: iTunes)

The act of putting one leg in front of the another is already a challenge for the computer-chained team here at Betabeat. You want us to do that for 30 consecutive minutes? That’s exhausting–we’re not Olympians over here. (Okay, Bruce Jenner, put your hand down.)

Now a free new app called Human wants to ruin our desire to become fully implanted into our couch by encouraging us to…move.

Obviously cashing in on the “quantified self” movement, the iPhone app eliminates the need for clunky wearable devices. It also gives you an excuse to buy cute new workout clothes. So, using the fancy sensors and technology already installed on the phone, it tracks your movement while guiding you to the goal of being fully active for a tiring half hour.

We guess that’s not so bad since that’s as long as a Friends rerun. Once you hit your 30 minute mark, you’re not rewarded with a cookie but a congratulatory sticker and the knowledge that you’re a little less gross than the day prior.

Anyway, getting that “Daily 30″ (ugh, their words!) is not only what your body wants, but what it needs. “It’s the best form of preventive medicine,” the app annoyingly exclaims. And similar to a five-floor walk-up’s effects on the body, the app warns it sucks out your iPhone’s battery power.

So, get walking to that train station, buster. You don’t want another thing in your life shaming you.

Follow Jordan Valinsky on Twitter or via RSS. jvalinsky@observer.com