Ballmer Time

Get On Your Feet: 10 Reasons We’re Going to Miss Steve ‘Sweaty’ Ballmer

TTFN, Steve-o.

kftus Get On Your Feet: 10 Reasons Were Going to Miss Steve Sweaty BallmerThe sad news broke this morning that Steve Ballmer, the long-time CEO of Microsoft, will be retiring within the next 12 months. He did some stuff for Microsoft and then he did some other stuff but the main thing to remember is that he is tech’s favorite weird, sweaty uncle and we will miss his buffoonish behavior terribly.

Here are the top 10 reasons why.

10. Because he is the GIF that keeps on giving.

9. Because you could be forgiven for thinking he is on some sort of weird concoction of steroids and adderall.

8. Because unlike the staid, dignified CEOs that abound now, he has no filter whatsoever. Let us never forget what he said about Google rival Eric Schmidt, according to Vanity Fair:

“Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy!” Ballmer yelled, according to the court document. “I’m going to fucking bury that guy! I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Google.”

7. Because he never quite learned the meaning of “inside voice.”

6. Because he has never given a single fuck in his entire life.

5. Because he’s intimately familiar with the element of surprise.

4. Because he THROWS CHAIRS when he’s angry like he’s in the WWE or something.

3. Because his Microsoft tenure has actually just been 13 years of reenacting plots from Game of Thrones.

2. Because he helped make drinking while coding not just culturally acceptable, but also played a roll in convincing everyone (including your boss) that downing a glass of whiskey actually makes you better at your job.


Shine bright like a diamond, Steve-o.

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