Love in the Time of Algorithms

Helpful App Pings You When It’s Time to Bang

Because initiating sex with a romantic gesture is simply too exhausting.
So hot.

So hot.

Are you so busy with work and friends and avoiding work and friends that you simply don’t have time to spontaneously display love and affection to your significant other? Of course–because the world is terrible and cruel–there is an app for that.

The Atlantic reports that Kahnoodle, one of many apps on the market geared towards couples, is seeking to “gamify relationships.” So does that mean you get a badge every time you go down on your S.O., or…?

Writes The Atlantic:

Using gamification, Kahnoodle wants to make maintaining your relationship automatic and easy—as easy as tapping a button. Its options include sending push notifications to initiate sex; “Koupons” that entitle the bearer to redeemable movie nights and kinky sex; and, of course, the love tank, which fills or empties depending on how many acts of love you’ve logged.

Honestly, the only thing worse than your significant other not doing anything romantic at all is him or her doing something romantic because their phone told them to. And not just that, their phone told them to so they could win a completely pointless game.

Ban love.

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