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How Alarmed You Should Be by the Weather, According to Popular Weather Apps

The Weather Channel will convince you IT'S TIME TO DIE.
You, me, everyone IRL. (Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images)

You, me, everyone IRL. (Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images)

Maybe you’ve noticed, but it’s hot as hell outside. It feels like the heat will never abate, nor will the endless coverage of the heat, which only makes it worse. In just a few short hours, you’ll have to leave your place of business, and you need to be prepared. Will the temps require you to bounce from Duane Reade to movie theater to bar to bodega until 2 a.m., roaming the city in search of adequate A.C.? Or is it safe to descend into the subway? 

Well, let’s see what the various popular weather apps have to say. Just how concerned should you be about venturing out into the heat sink that is Manhattan?

This morning Poncho plaintively warned us about the hell to come then disappeared, presumably to go cry inside of an air conditioner:

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Yahoo! Weather and WeatherBug are adopting a stiff upper lip attitude, noting the weather alerts but remaining calm and trusting you to do the same:

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AccuWeather is downright droll with that little warning that it is a “poor time” for outdoor fitness. Ya think? Otherwise, still pretty serene about the misery:

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Then there’s the Weather Channel. Oh, the Weather Channel. Are those guys ever not downright histrionic? Their app can’t decide whether to freak you out or advertise shampoo for your sweaty, greasy mop, so they went with a big scary red banner to alert you to the “excessive heat warning.” Note that the heat index is in ALL CAPS for EXTRA PANIC:

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But it’s the drop down menu where they really go bananas, though. Contrast that alarmist red popup with the relatively sedate updates from WeatherBug and AccuWeather:

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Has the atmosphere ignited? Is there a volcano in Central Park? What could possibly justify such a scary red box?

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That’s it, I’m hiding in a popsicle box ’til September… i.e., the height of hurricane season, when the Weather Channel will have something new to scaremonger about.

Follow Kelly Faircloth on Twitter or via RSS. kfaircloth@observer.com