XXX in Tech

Guy Sues Apple Because Porn Gave Him Unrealistic Expectations of Sex

Cry me a river, bb.
(Photo: Blogspot)

(Photo: Blogspot)

Tennessee lawyer Chris Sevier recently came to a devastating conclusion: real life sex is nothing like porn–nobody moans like a dying animal IRL–and it is all Apple’s fault.

According to a lawsuit uncovered by CNET, Mr. Sevier is suing Apple because its products are capable of displaying porn. The easy access to adult material on devices like iPads, he argues, has completely destroyed his sex life, because his wife is not a 21-year-old porn star and he, quite frankly, is no James Deen.

Mr. Sevier argues that Apple’s devices should come with a safe mode so that he isn’t constantly tempted to surf xHamster when he meant to go hate read xoJane. Reads the suit:

“The Plaintiff could no longer tell the difference between Internet pornography and tangible intercourse due to the content he accessed through the Apple products, which failed to provide him with warnings of the dangers of online pornography whatsoever….The Plaintiff began desiring younger, more beautiful girls featured in porn videos than his wife, who was no longer 21.”

If you’re disappointed with your wife for not being a 21-year-old porn star, it seems you can tell the difference between porn and IRL sex–you just wish you couldn’t.

Filing a lawsuit seems like a lot of hoop jumping to prove you have a totally average sexless marriage sustained solely by excessive porn watching.

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