Things To Do When You're Drunk

Tell Your Facebook Friends Exactly How Wasted You Are With This Handy New Breathalyzer App

And we thought that endless stream of drunk Instagram pics was annoying!
Cool story, bro, but some of us are working right now. (Screengrab: BACtrack.com)

Cool story, bro, but some of us are working right now. (Screengrab: BACtrack.com)

If you drink so much that you need to quantify your blood alcohol content on a regular basis, you might want to take a step back and evaluate your choices.

Or, you could just buy this Breathalyzer that not only measures your BAC, but posts it to Facebook and Twitter. It even comes with removable mouthpieces for all your boozehound friends to collect ‘n’ trade.

Why would you want to share your BAC with your Facebook friends and Twitter followers, you ask? Well, the BACtrack website has a handy list of reasons for buying a breathalyzer. The first, superimposed over a photo of two attractive youths with a water bottle and a yoga mat, is, “Because: I want to know how alcohol affects my body.” Here, take these 12 shots of Jameson and we’ll find out.

Another reason: “Because: It’s fun to test myself.” Actually, great idea. When drinking stops being fun enough, it’s healthier to start endlessly breathalyzing yourself instead of moving on to cocaine.

And syncing your BAC results to your smartphone opens a-whole-nother world of opportunities, according to the BACtrack website. BACtrack mobile enables you to determine how many drinks it will take you to get drunk and when, if ever, you will stop being drunk.

You can also use the app to gauge how mangled you are compared to other rich drunks all over the world. And if you skip town, you can keep friends and family apprised of your BAC at all times through Facebook, giving them even more FOMO than the classic Wednesday afternoon vacation photo. Let’s just hope they never connect it to Linkedin.

We’re saving our pennies until BACtrack adds a feature that forbids you from making drunk phone calls, texts and tweets if your BAC is over a certain level. That would be useful.

Follow Molly Mulshine on Twitter or via RSS. mmulshine@observer.com