Hello? Hello?

Surprise! In 2002, Edward Snowden Hung Out on an Anime Site and Called Himself ‘Phish’

"That's the best biography you'll get out of me, coppers!"
Holla. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

Holla. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

No one’s turned up a Reddit account or Twitter handle for NSA leaker Edward Snowden. However, Reuters has managed to find what appears to be his long-abandoned profile for “a Japanese anime company run by friends,” written circa 2002. His aliases included “The True HOOHA” and “Phish.”

Because let’s face it, that’s pretty much what all of us were doing on the Internet in the early 2000s. (This reporter frequented a “Wheel of Time” fan site, for example!)

What Reuters found is pretty standard stuff for an 18-year-old Internet nerd of the era. (The site was yanked after reporters reached out for comment, but Twitter users have dug up a WayBack Machine version.) Like us olds had to do before the advent of “likes,” Mr. Snowden listed his many passions: “I like Japanese, I like food, I like martial arts, I like ponies, I like guns, I like food, I like girls, I like my girlish figure that attracts girls, and I like my lamer friends. That’s the best biography you’ll get out of me, coppers!”

He also called himself a “nice guy” (now, now, remember that this was pre-Reddit) and explained, “You see, I act arrogant and cruel because I was not hugged enough as a child, and because the public education system turned it’s (sic) wretched, spiked back on me.” Cheeky!

The profile provides still more completely useless information for the CIA agents no doubt turning Hong Kong upside down in search of Mr. Snowden right this very minute. He writes of his skill at Tekken, his good times at Otakon, his love of the Baltimore Orioles and admits to preferring purple-tinted sunglasses. Again, it was the early 2000s.

What we wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall as middle-aged NSA agents attempt to draw up a psychological profile based on this.

Follow Kelly Faircloth on Twitter or via RSS. kfaircloth@observer.com