Hail Britannia

Royal Baby Too Dignified For Twitter

Let alone Snapchat.
(Photo: Phone Arena)

(Photo: Phone Arena)

When the heavens open and spew forth little HRH Prince Rupert or Princess Hermione via the loins of Kate Middleton, how will the royals announce the birth? Not through social media — at least not right away.

Buckingham Palace insists the birth will be announced through a proclamation signed by doctors and rushed to the palace grounds, according to The Daily Mail. The notice will be plopped on a golden easel (we shit you not) just within the gates of the palace.

“We wanted to retain some of the theatre of the notice,” a Palace spokesman told The Daily Mail. “It is quite important to us that this is done properly and with the degree of dignity that the event demands,” which hopefully also includes a nationwide tea break replete with fascinators, crumpets and commoners running around chirping, “Pip pip, guv’na.”

Only after Queen Elizabeth II and a few other royals are notified will the news be posted on the monarchy’s Twitter account. The Windsors seem to believe they’ll be able to keep the secret from the time of the birth to the notice’s arrival at the Queen’s crib.

If the baby is born between 10:30 p.m. and 8 a.m., though, the news will be distributed via press release, The Daily Mail reports. The golden easel bit will be completed the next morning at 9 a.m.

The notice will only include the baby’s sex and vital statistics, so we’ll have to wait a little longer for a name. Hopefully Will and Kate take a page out of the Kimye book and go for something klever and klassy like Princess Dolphin of Wales.

Follow Molly Mulshine on Twitter or via RSS. mmulshine@observer.com