Facebook Faceoff

‘I Can’t Figure It Out:’ Facebook Shareholders Unclear What Exactly Facebook Is

Is that the thing that you click on to see pictures of my grandkids?
(Photo: Hackeducation.com)

(Photo: Hackeducation.com)

Just because you own tons of stock in a popular company doesn’t mean you know exactly what that company does. At yesterday’s Facebook shareholders meeting at the Westin in San Francisco, confused stock owners descended upon CEO Mark Zuckerberg to ask him what exactly this damn thing does.

According to CNET, many stockholders took the opportunity of addressing Mr. Zuckerberg as a way to get the best possible customer service for their Facebook usability issues. Why is the News Feed so useless? How do privacy settings work? Is the Internet really a series of tubes?

“I do not know how to use Facebook,” one woman named Rose, who along with her son owns 8,968 shares, told Mr. Zuckerberg as a palpable sigh punctuated the room, Olds everywhere relieved their secret had finally been revealed.

“Some analysts have negative comments of Facebook, but I know you’re trying hard,” she added, presumably before handing Mr. Zuckerberg a freshly baked rhubarb pie and telling him he looks too skinny and he should have worn a suit.

Afterwards, the shareholders met at the local Denny’s just in time to catch the earlybird special.

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