Love in the Time of Algorithms

‘Grab Her Hand and Put it Right on Your Dick:’ Redditor Successfully Kickstarts His Terrible Dating Book

"Remember, she is letting you do this because you have established yourself as a LEADER."
Mr. Hoinsky (Photo: Kickstarter)

Mr. Hoinsky LITERALLY picking up a girl (Photo: Kickstarter)

Update: Kickstarter has decided not to remove the project.

Are you a foreveralone munching on Cheetos in your mom’s basement, wondering how to get women to touch your penis? Good news: Ken Hoinsky, whom you might know as “TofuTofu” on Reddit, has drawn up a comprehensive dating guide to help teach guys everywhere how to “get awesome with women”–and also make creepy unwanted advances on them.

Mr. Hoinsky plans to publish a dating how-to called Above the Game: A Guide to Getting Awesome With Women, based on advice he’s distributed in r/seduction, a forum for those looking to be more seductive. “Above The Game contains the best material I have posted to reddit in the past, edited, polished, and expanded upon,” reads the Kickstarter pitch.

The compendium blew past its $2,000 Kickstarter goal and closed today with over $16,000 in funding, much to the chagrin of Tumblr users, many of whom are rightfully up in arms about the book’s actual content.

Mr. Hoinsky published several excerpts on Reddit, which comedian Casey Malone pulled onto his Tumblr page. Suffice to say that the “advice” Mr. Hoinsky appears to be doling out to his fellow single men is sliiiiightly rapier than your average dating book. In fact, judging from these excerpts, it reads a lot like a pick up artist manual written by an angry virgin.

Take, for example, the section where he advises readers that “personal space is for pussies:”

“All the greatest seducers in history could not keep their hands off of women. They aggressively escalated physically with every woman they were flirting with. They began touching them immediately, kept great body language and eye contact, and were shameless in their physicality. Even when a girl rejects your advances, she KNOWS that you desire her. That’s hot. It arouses her physically and psychologically.”

Now, say a lady doesn’t actually want you to touch her: what’s Mr. Hoinsky’s expert advice? Touch her anyway!

“Decide that you’re going to sit in a position where you can rub her leg and back. Physically pick her up and sit her on your lap. Don’t ask for permission. Be dominant. Force her to rebuff your advances.”

Once you’ve gotten all your touching in, it’s time for her to touch you. Don’t ask for permission, you pussy!

“Pull out your cock and put her hand on it. Remember, she is letting you do this because you have established yourself as a LEADER. Don’t ask for permission, GRAB HER HAND, and put it right on your dick.

Yes, because nothing says romance like forcing a woman’s hand to your hard-on and telling her you’re a LEADER.

Kickstarter hasn’t pulled the plug on the project yet, but we’ve reached out in anticipation of a statement. Worth noting: None of the super offensive material, such as the excerpts, were posted to the actual Kickstarter page–only to Reddit. It’s entirely possible that both Kickstarter mods and backers were unaware of the actual content the book might contain.

But judging from the excerpts, Above the Game instructs men to treat women like objects, completely ignoring their feelings in pursuit of a singular goal: getting some. As Mr. Malone puts it, “[He] thinks he’s figured out some cheat code or check-list like routine they can run in a bar to make women sleep with them, as if women aren’t people but a series of subroutines or an obstacle course that they can optimize to get their dick wet as fast as possible.”

Not to mention Mr. Hoinsky’s advice is just plain bad. If you’re a dude grappling with how to wade into the dating pool, you’re better off fielding tips from pretty much anyone else, up to and including Kanye West, and that guy wrote the lyric, “I put her pussy in a sarcophagus.”

Update: Now there’s a DoSomething petition asking Kickstarter to refuse to fund Mr. Hoinsky’s project, and it’s gotten almost 7,000 signatures.

Follow Jessica Roy on Twitter or via RSS. jroy@observer.com