Antisocial Media

CEO Makes Employee Record His Every Move Due to Insatiable Thirst for Content

Who does he think he is, Beyoncé?
Even this avi counts as content. (Photo: Twitter)

Even this avi counts as content. (Photo: Twitter)

“Oh my god, I should totally have my own reality show.” It’s something bland people have been saying since the dawn of Bravo, but few have acted on it. Lucky for them, one trail-blazing social media CEO is bravely chronicling his existence in a deluded quest for content.

Gary Vaynerchuk of VaynerMedia has repurposed a perfectly innocent employee to “shadow my life,” he told Forbes. The employee will follow him around all day and record his every statement and move, like a lesser Beyoncé assistant. He thinks this is a trend that will catch on like wildfire within the year.

Why would he do this? Because he’s got an itch only content can scratch. Mr. Vaynerchuk worships at the throne of content. If there’s one thing he feels strongly about, it’s content. Here are a few things he told Forbes. Sing it, Gary:

“Content is the cost of entry to relevance in today’s society,” he says.

Exactly when does content turn into relevance? After I enter relevance, is it possible to exit? What if people aren’t content with the content?

“I’ve built infrastructure around me to become a greater content provider,” he says … “There’s now someone in my life pestering me for content.”

He feels this kind of arrangement will become common, most likely among the rich and deranged.

“There are going to be 500 to 5,000 people at this time next year who employ a full-time content person,” he says … “The only reason I got to the level of affording a full-time content person is that when I couldn’t [afford it], I still put out more content than most.”

But content from 500 to 5,000 people — that’s a lot of content. Things could become contentious. What if you don’t have a content person to contain all your content?

“You have to get into the content game,”says Mr. Vaynerchuk.

Are you still reading this content? Because you should really be out producing your own content.

“If you can afford to, like I now can, you produce content for Vine, Medium, SoundCloud, Instagram, Tumblr, and Pinterest,” he says.

So… If you can afford a cell phone?

“This is stupid but not below Gary, at all,” one of Mr. Vaynerchuk’s employees told Betabeat. “How long before he has his ‘personal content creator’ Vine him while on the toilet? The answer is too terrifying to think about.”

UPDATE: Turns out we won’t have to wait with baited breath for that toilet video. A tipster alerted us to this Vine (NSFW obvi), in which Mr. Vaynerchuk says, “Dani, the craziest place I’ve vined is this,” followed by a shot of him chillin on the porcelain throne. Nice blue undies!

Follow Molly Mulshine on Twitter or via RSS. mmulshine@observer.com