By now, you’ve probably heard about the viral sensation that’s, shall we say, galloping across the nation. It’s called Prancercise, and it’s a questionably-effective exercise regime developed by a Florida woman who’s wild about horses. Strap on some ankle weights, turn on some groovy music, and prance around like a horse. That’s literally how it works.
Though you might have seen Pracercise creator Johanna Rohrback’s hilarious Youtube demo—and you may have even seen Al Roker doing Prancercise on the Today show—there’s a chance you haven’t yet scoured Ms. Rohrback’s Prancercise website. But don’t fret—we’ve done it for you, and collected the highlights:
1) Photos of Ms. Rohrback prancing alongside glowing, awkwardly photoshopped horses.
The best part about the horse photos is that they always use the same photo of Ms. Rohrback, and just switch out the prancing horses. On the Welcome page she’s prancing alongside a white, wannabe unicorn. On the About page she’s in the same exact pose, but this time she’s alongside Black Beauty.
2) The inspiring user testimonials.
Says Josie Marinello, a retired salesperson and seamstress: “JOANNA GAVE ME A NEW LEASE ON LIFE AND SAVED ME FROM MAJOR SURGERY THROUGH HER WELLNESS COACHING.” (Forget the triple bypass—just prance.)
Says Raymond Clement, awkwardly photographed in a dirty t-shirt at the side of a road, “JOANNA AND I HAVE FUN DOING Prancercise® TOGETHER!”
Says David Madora, who must not understand the meaning of “cool:” “THE EXERCISE IS REALLY COOL! I FOLLOW MANY OF JOANNA’S DIETARY PRINCIPLES”
3) That time she compared herself to Gandhi.
One page of the Prancercise website is devoted to Ms. Rohrback’s book, Prancercise: The Art of Physical and Spiritual Excellence (note the cover photo in which a floating Ms. Rohrback appears to be gazing into a horse’s backside). In the description of her book, this is actually a thing that Ms. Rohrback says: “[The book] explores the mind-set of innovative artists who changed the climate of the discipline they indulged in. . . I compare myself and my aerobics to them in this book.” The blurb is accompanied by photos of Gandhi and Isadora Duncan. Prancercise is evidently more than an exercise; it’s a revolution.
4) This sentence, wherein it becomes clear that Ms. Rohrback might literally want to be a horse.
On the Diet page: “I personally eat a diet mostly of raw vegetables and fruits, with some cooked beans, some whole grain bread on occasion and currently small amounts of salmon. . . though I realize this is not a horse’s diet with the fish. . . I’m striving to get back to that, which I actually maintained for a lengthy period of time.”
5) The reminder to never, ever say Prancercise’s name in vain.
On the Legal page, Ms. Rohrback very clearly lays out how one may and may not reference her equestrian brainchild. She writes:
THE Prancercise® TRADEMARK SHOULD NOT BE USED IN THESE WAYS:
TO ADVERTISE PROGRAMS OR PRODUCTS NOT AFFILIATED WITH Prancercise® or Prancercise ,LLC and never advertised without the trademark symbol ® after the word , e.g.:
With the letter “P” not capitalized such as: prancercise
Misspelled — Such as: “Prancersize”
As a verb — Such as: “prancercising” is fun!
As a noun —Such as, “prancercise is a great exercise”
As part of a trade name — such as, “The Metropolitan Prancercise Studio”. (Please tell us this is coming soon to New York)
As a generic term — such as: “The Royal Palm clubhouse offers Prancercise” (Does this strike anyone else as an incredibly specific example?)
The first rule of Prancercise is you do not talk about Prancercise, evidently.
BONUS: The helpful disclaimer at the bottom of the Legal page.
“Any photos showing [Ms. Rohrback] moving along side a horse are not a suggestion that anyone should try such an act, but only a depiction of the technique she uses in her movement.”