Do you hate your own children and wish they would just stop being so freakin’ annoying? Do you pray that they’d just go the fuck to sleep for once so you can watch The X Factor in peace? Luckily, a new pair of high tech pajamas called “Smart Pajamas” will do your parenting for you. Ain’t the future grand?
With the help of an app, Smart Pajamas can read your kid a bedtime story or even sing him or her a lullaby. After you download the app, just scan one of the dots on the pajamas to have the app become an unsatisfying proxy for all of the parental tenderness you feel incapable of expressing because of your fraught relationship with your own parents.
And when your children despise you one day, when they send you to a terrible nursing home and you look them in the eye and ask them why, two words will fall out of their mouths: “Smart pajamas.”