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Netflix Tries to Convince Us That ‘Netflix Adultery’ is a Real Thing

Don't ever date.
Oh. (Photo: Hashgram)

Oh. (Photo: Hashgram)

Here’s apparently a real problem that’s affecting those lucky enough to be in a relationship: “Netflix Adultery.” The condition, as coined by the Cut, is when a partner watches ahead or finishes a television show instead of waiting to watch it with their significant other on the streaming service. 

Of the 2,000 American adults polled, who convinced themselves this was a legitimate issue, about 12 percent confessed to this unforgivable act of adultery. And you could be living with a cheater without even knowing it: 51 percent said they would watch a program even though they agreed to wait for their partner. 

Anyway, the press department pried even deeper. Another 21 percent said they cheated while their other was sleeping (edgy!), 41 percent said they didn’t reveal any spoilers, and 12 percent “faked it,” or pretended to be surprised when their spouse first learned that Betty was pregnant. That’s the only reason people use Netflix, right?

So balancing out a relationship while resisting the urge to skip ahead of Mad Men in 2013 is the hardest. None of us can have it all, ever. Enter a wacky Netflix PR spokesperson with this off-the-cuff and salty response:

“Netflix can’t be held responsible for any trust issues, lovers’ spats, or marital troubles that arise from watching ahead of your partner. We also will not cover any therapy sessions. As always, we advise to Watch Responsibly.”

Just shut up and release the second season of House of Cards already.

Follow Jordan Valinsky on Twitter or via RSS. jvalinsky@observer.com