Okay, we’ll admit it: a smartphone is almost as good as a boyfriend. Texting is a perfectly fine substitute for talking, a Snapchat of a penis is not that much less exciting than the real thing, and who needs to fall asleep to the comforting sound of your loved one’s snoring when you can drift off to dreamland guided by your favorite chillwave band?
Still, as awesome as sexting is, sexing is infinitely better. But with everyone operating at Peak Smartphone Obsession, it seems that many would prefer to trade in their sex lives for iPhones. CNBC reports that in a recent survey conducted by Internet security company AVG Technologies, 57 percent of American women said they’d rather give up sex for a week than their smartphone. Makes sense–you can’t check your email on a set of chiseled abs, at least not until the Singularity comes.
We have to assume porn is still allowed in this no-sex-or-smartphone hypothetical, otherwise we’re out.