Antisocial Media

@WorstFastAgency Gave Us Some Pretty Terrible Advice

"Run smear campaign to attack customer's credibility. Frame culprit as a @mittromney voter, works every time."

Screen Shot 2013-03-22 at 4.29.53 PM

If you’ve ever sought professional advice from someone who puts “social media guru” or “marketing ninja” in their Twitter bio, you know just how little some experts add to the discussion. “Everyone is offering best-practice advice, optimization strategies, etc. It’s about time someone started offering up the very opposite,” Scooter Ramirez said, in an email to Betabeat.

Mr. Ramirez is not his real name, a fact which he felt compelled to remind us, but rather the pseudonymous handle of the cofounder of @WorstFastAgency, a jokey site that promises, “Bad advice for $1. Within 12 hours or less.”

“A lot of bad advice is given as ‘good advice’ and ends up being harmful in the end anyways,” Mr. Ramirez explained, pointing us to Governor Patterson’s “smear campaign” against Caroline Kennedy. “He paid a lot of money for a consulting firm to tell him to do this.”

Although some suspected the idea was making fun of World’s Fastest Agency, a newly-launched New York consultancy that promises tag lines and campaigns with 24 hours, Mr. Ramirez (don’t forget, not his real name!) said it was “straight up inspired by a homeless guy who sold me some bad advice for $1 on the street in NYC.”  Apparently, Mr. Ramirez wasn’t the only beneficiary of that man’s wisdom.

@WorstFastAgenyc is based out of the Research Park Triangle area of North Carolina. Mr. Ramirez said he has some “experience in digital marketing, tech, etc.” He was also “once in the military, was once a musician, once started a nonprofit that got some national attention.”

Not one to ignore an attention whore, we decided to get some answers to common digital conundrums. @WorstFastAgency obliged in customary 140 character format:

1. What should I do if a customer complains about my company on Twitter?
Run smear campaign to attack customer’s credibility. Frame culprit as a @mittromney voter, works every time.

2. How should I get more Facebook fans?
Offer savings bonds to all who like your page on a certain day, then stage fire at office, claim bonds burned, apologize to new fans.

3. What should I do if I accidentally sext the wrong person on Snapchat?
Resend to make it appear like you did it on purpose. Its only a mistake if you can’t convince people otherwise.

4. Say I have a crush on someone I only know through social media, what’s the best way to get their attention and see if they’re interested?

Create @kickstarter campaign, offer perks for tweeting to crush including your twitter and “#interested?”. 30-day campaign. #crowdfundcrush

5. What’s the proper etiquette for cellphone use when you’re out with friends?
Collect friend’s cellphones (by force if necessary), use their minutes/data/texts, conserve your own.

Pretty awful suggestions, so consider us another satisfied customer?

Follow Nitasha Tiku on Twitter or via RSS. ntiku@observer.com