The Final Frontier

This Woman Doesn’t Need a Boyfriend Because Aliens Give Her ‘Out of This World Orgasms’

Stephany is dating "Ian the Octopus Man."
(Photo: U.TV)

(Photo: U.TV)

Stephany Cohen is a British psychic with a mass of rainbow dreads and a very exciting sex life. She appeared today on the U.K. TV network ITV1’s program This Morning, where she discussed the various sexual encounters she frequently has with alien species–both of the cat and reptile variety!

Ms. Cohen said that as she is falling asleep, her consciousness frequently travels to a spaceship where she flies through the galaxy to other worlds. She has a “spirit boyfriend” named Ian the Octopus Man who “stays quite close” to her and gives her mind-blowing orgasms that no mere human mortal could even come close to replicating. “All of them indulge in sex, but particularly the cat people are extremely, highly charged sexually and it’s part of the cat people culture,” she told the show’s host.

Oh, those cat people: always looking for strange.

The professor This Morning brought on as a foil was pretty skeptical of Ms. Cohen’s claims. He suggested she has Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder but for some reason has convinced herself it’s just aliens getting all up on her body. He also asked her to use her psychic powers to look inside a briefcase that they were holding in another room, but Ms. Cohen snapped that her powers don’t really work on-demand like that.

Why would you waste your pyschic powers on some professorial briefcase when you have Ian the alien Octopus to fool around with?

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