It's Newt!

Newt Gingrich Is Still Seriously Stoked About Driverless Cars

"We think it's going to shape almost everything." Who's WE?
It's Newt! (Photo: Twitter)

It’s Newt! (Photo: Twitter)

Today, Newt Gingrich–as promised on his Twitter feed–devoted a whole installment of “Newt University” to the topic of driverless cars. The thirty-minute session was, essentially, a one-way Google Hangout with Mr. Gingrich talking your ear off about THE FUTURE.

“The game-changer, psychologically, is the Google driverless car,” Mr. Gingrich informed his acolytes.

“These are the folks who brought us Google Maps, Google Search,” and now the company is figuring out how to “take all this information technology and put it into a car that begins to be self aware, self informed and with a learning curve.” Laser-guided mapping! Radar!

Meanwhile, actual car manufacturers are trying to create their own versions. “They don’t want to be left behind by some internet-based company,” he suggested, all down-home-like.

“How big a deal is this? We think it’s going to shape almost everything.”

For instance: Were you aware that 95 percent of car accidents are caused by human error? And if we could “begin to take the human factor out,” suddenly we can build lighter, more fuel efficient cars because the machines would be way better drivers and we wouldn’t have to worry so much about pesky safety features?

Mr. Gingrich got more and more excited as he outlined the nation-shaping implications of these machines. The former speaker outlined a gee-whiz future full of wonders like bumper-to-bumper driverless conveys (faster AND more fuel efficient!) and calendar apps that’ll let you schedule the sedan to go pick up grandma at the airport and even the possibility of child safety locks that won’t take the kids anywhere but pre-approved stops. See, there’s something for advocates of family values, too.

Don’t even get him started on ride-sharing.

“Make sure your local state legislators are adopting the kind of rules we need to have appropriate self-driving cars,” Mr. Gingrich urged in closing.

Here ends your latest installment of Newt Gingrich Fantasizes About the Future.

Follow Kelly Faircloth on Twitter or via RSS. kfaircloth@observer.com