Be warned, you will get stuck dusting his tablets.

Nothing like a major religious holiday to remind you if you don't find a mate pronto you'll never hear the end of it! Hence JDate is releasing its very own digital edition of the Haggadah, the traditional guide to the Passover Seder. You can read it on a smartphone and/or table! Gee whiz!

But this isn't your parents' religious text ported over to new-media format. No, JDate has really gone all-out serving up "a fun, new twist on the story of Passover." Besides punching up the language a bit ("he snapped and like something out of a Quentin Tarantino movie beat the taskmaster to death") the company has also added online dating profiles for many of the story's main players.

Moses is now GunsNMoses, "the wandering, free-spirit type"; Pharaoh calls himself StraightandPharaoh and his perfect first date is "You come meet me at my palace and vie for my affections."

Can't help about wonder the the presentation of the slavemaster, though: He's dubbed "WhippinBoy" and identifies himself as a "man seeking submissives." Seems like more of a Fetlife type, no?