Visiting Dignitaries

Elon Musk Can Have Mars, Jeff Bezos Will Take the Sea

"What an incredible adventure."
image 8 lg Elon Musk Can Have Mars, Jeff Bezos Will Take the Sea


Not that long ago at a piano bar in Davos, America’s preeminent billionaires got together to divvy up dominion over the land, sea, and stars. The minutes of the meeting have been kept secret–so as not to offend the world’s governments quaint perception of “sovereignty.”

Elon Musk being Elon couldn’t help revealing his ascendancy to Mars. Quietly, it emerged that Yuri Milner was given the Earth’s molten core, Sean Parker got Coachella and Warren Buffet rules the Middle West. Now, thanks to AllThingsD, we know about Jeff Bezos’ slice of the galatic pie.

“Right now, he’s on a ship outside Cape Canaveral, along with some giant engines that used to power the Apollo 11 aircraft. He financed the team that just dug them out from the bottom of the Atlantic.”

In a letter thanking NASA on, Mr. Bezos offers an inside glimpse into his Neptune-like journey:

“What an incredible adventure. We are right now onboard the Seabed Worker headed back to Cape Canaveral after finishing three weeks at sea, working almost 3 miles below the surface. We found so much. We’ve seen an underwater wonderland – an incredible sculpture garden of twisted F-1 engines that tells the story of a fiery and violent end, one that serves testament to the Apollo program. We photographed many beautiful objects in situ and have now recovered many prime pieces. Each piece we bring on deck conjures for me the thousands of engineers who worked together back then to do what for all time had been thought surely impossible.”

To be clear, however, Mr. Bezos’ kingdom is strictly under the sea. Peter Thiel still controls the colonies floating atop the ocean and Captain Larry Ellison its yachts.

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