Visiting Dignitaries

Dial Through the Tears: Ryan Gosling Hotline Will Get You Through His Hollywood Hiatus

More like AbTime, right?
(Photo: Blinkbox)

(Photo: Blinkbox)

Fans of hot person/rubbable GIF Ryan Gosling recently received distressing news that he was taking a gentleman’s intermission from acting to “find perspective.” But life is not completely over.

British video-on-demand service Blinkbox has created an indispensable new service called “The Gosline,” a 24-hour phone number that plays his best dialogue to help sooth devastated women and gays.

Admirers who call this funky-looking British number (07857 238825), can hear Gosling coo seductive lines into their ears from various movies, such as romantic-action flick The Notebook and Jiffy Lube employee training video Drive.

Crack open a bottle of white, clench your lips, and listen as Gosling says “We’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday.” Ohhhh yes, say it louder Ryan.

The service already boasts satisfied customers! “The best goddamn thing of all time,” tweeted Gos-lover Susie Bould; another flustered user tweeted that she “desperately” wants to call it on her lunch break.

This is no shameless publicity stunt, a Blinkbox spokesperson assured users, noting that the Tesco-owned streaming site is seriously sadface about Mr. Gosling’s Hollywood hiatus.

“We couldn’t bear the thought of the distress caused by Ryan’s announcement. We hope that this goes some way to relieving the pain and hurt caused by his selfish decision to take a break,” they said.

Now we just have to figure out how to explain all these overseas cellphone charges on the family plan.

Follow Jordan Valinsky on Twitter or via RSS. jvalinsky@observer.com