Totally a serious diplomat. (Photo: dennisrodman.com)

Dennis Rodman might want to be a bit more discriminating in his choice of friends. The former NBA star has only just returned from his visit to North Korea, where he forged a bond with tinpot dictator Kim Jong-Un that's already gotten him kicked out of a fancy hotel bar for refusing to shut the hell up about the Supreme Leader's awesomeness.

Now, in advance of a U.N. vote over whether to impose sanctions on the country for its recent nuclear test, North Korea is threatening to unleash a nuclear attack on the United States if the U.N. dares to impose new sanctions on the country.

The AP reports:

An unidentified spokesman for Pyongyang's Foreign Ministry said the North will exercise its right for "a preemptive nuclear attack to destroy the strongholds of the aggressors" because Washington is pushing to start a nuclear war against the North.

Man, we're all going to be really embarrassed if that brain-dead Red Dawn remake turns out to be prescient.

But before anyone dives under his desk and kisses his ass goodbye, it's worth noting that this belligerent Stalinist dictatorship almost certainly doesn't have the technology to put a sufficiently small warhead on a missile that can hit the U.S. Angry rhetoric is pretty much North Korea's number-one (and possibly only) export. We can't imagine the saber-rattling makes anyone on the West Coast feel too cozy, though.

Has Eric Schmidt ever been this thoroughly upstaged?