Love in the Time of Algorithms

OkStupid: There’s a New Dating Site for All Your Trolling Needs

"Best thing ever." - Observer newspaper
Screen shot 2013-03-18 at 12.28.39 PM

(Photo: cupidwithfriends.com)

From Jews to Hipsters, and even Star Trek aficionados, the number of dating websites directed at everyone’s comfortable little subculture seems limitless. But there’s a new matchmaking service that might be of interest to the cold-blooded trolls among us.

Say hi to CupidWithFriends. It’s hard to argue with its mantra (the “bestest dating site on Earth”) since the trick here is that you can’t write-up your own profile—rather you create and edit the profiles of your friends.

Sure, you could be boring and kind-hearted and try to sell a potential mate on your friend’s wit and charm. But this is the Internet. And judging by some of the profiles in the barely-functioning “Browse” section, users did not sign on to make friends–or keep the ones they already have. Save the heartwarming schlock for eHarmony, we guess.

Several of the questions (i.e. “What I spend most of my time doing” or “Things I’m good at”) all lend their hand to making some very funny masturbation jokes that the Internet doesn’t see often.

Let’s try it out on an editor of some link-bait content farm named Cooper. He spends a lot of his time talking about his infatuation with micropenises, his hobby is trolling Reddit to annoy everyone else, and the only place he’ll be in ten years is a Warby Parker showroom deciding if it’s possible to make his glasses rounder. Boom, done, got you Cooper.

This isn’t a trolling free-for-all, however. The names and photos of both the troll and victim are pulled from their Facebook account, although you can’t click back from CupidWithFriends to the person’s Facebook account. “We won’t post to your wall,” the site promises, although it does “use Facebook to suggest friends to add.”

The site’s clunky UI appears to be a nod to OKCupid, but they managed to pick an even more garish color palette. The browse function also needs an overhaul. Right now it’s filled with boring brogrammers, not enough ladies, and you can’t search by name.

Nonetheless, when it works, CupidWithFriends is the perfect site to add to your trolling toolbox. We commend the creators for disrupting cock-blocking for the 21st century.

h/t @lauraolin

Follow Jordan Valinsky on Twitter or via RSS. jvalinsky@observer.com