App for That

Gaze Into My Crystal Balls: Predicktor App Guesses a Dude’s Penis Size

Predicktor: not a German psychic.
(Photo: Google Play Store)

(Photo: Google Play Store)

So you’ve been on a couple dates with someone, and you’re thinking it’s time to let them touch you in some secret places. But what if–heaven forbid–you spend all this time getting to know a person, only to find out he has a tiny penis? There’s really no good way to know if you’re going to end up with a worm or an anaconda, ya know? The Predicktor, an app that does exactly what you think it does, is here to help.

Say you already know the dude’s height, shoe size, butt size, age and finger length, but you want to know how big his erect penis is. You can plug this information into Predicktor, shake the phone, and it will give you an estimate as to just what you’re working with here.  The app also comes with some educational features, such as informational literature and the ability to compare your gentleman friend’s penis with those of men around the world.

What’s more, the app was created by a doctor, so you know you can trust its advice. “It’s not how long your pencil is, but how you write your name,” Dr. Chris Culligan told Raw Story.

Don’t worry if the app gives you a prediction that you feel is inaccurate. You can always Snapchat a dick pic from a flattering angle to make yourself feel better.

The Predicktor is only available on Android, because Apple hates penis puns.

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