Love in the Time of Algorithms

If You Want to Win Your Girlfriend Back, Don’t Write Her an App Named ‘Shipoopi’

Some unsolicited advice.
(Photo: Blogspot)

(Photo: Blogspot)

It’s almost Valentine’s Day, which means heartbroken people everywhere are hanging black trashbags on their windows in an attempt to mute the light, drinking screw-cap wine and binge watching The Notebook as a form of self-torture. But if you have a special someone that you’re aching to win back in time to celebrate this romantic holiday, might we suggest chocolate or a heartfelt letter as opposed to a horrifyingly web 2.0 alternative that only Fake Jeff Jarvis would approve of?

TechCrunch reports that, like in a terrible romcom Hulu would pick up for at most half a season, a man named Jonathan Dharmaraj is attempting to win back his girlfriend by building her an app. He named the app “Shipoopi,” which is an inside joke nickname for her, but will leave outsiders lacking The Music Man knowledge to believe that his girlfriend poops a lot. Nottttt really off to a great start there, Jon.

As for the app itself, it’s not exactly the dozen roses of Android apps. According to TechCrunch, which called it “not all that revolutionary” (a downright burn for the notoriously cheerleadery tech blog), all it does is let you choose what apps appear on your lockscreen. But Shipoopi the person is supposedly super into organization, so perhaps it will strike a chord with her–love knows no bounds!

No word yet on whether Mr. Dharmaraj has won back his ex, but we’re wishing the appy couple all the best, despite our skepticism of love in the time of algorithms. Whatever happens, you’ll always have that Family Guy sketch. Franzia, anyone?

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