This Happened

Teen Drugs Her Parents’ Milkshakes So She Can Go on the Internet Past Curfew

But MOMMM I want to go on Tumblr!!!
(Photo: India Current Affairs)

(Photo: India Current Affairs)

Back in the early aughts, when this reporter’s parents were fast asleep, we’d take one of those 500 Free Hours of AOL CDs received in the mail every other day, unplug the phone line in our bedroom, and hook it up to our laptop so we could log on to saucy chat rooms and browse AOL Teen. Our parents, competent as they were, had no idea we spent half the night surfing a sluggish, largely harmless web.

We assumed teens these days–born with a smartphone glued to their mutant flesh–have it much easier, especially without having to muffle the sounds of dial-up. We were wrong.

CBS News reports that when the parents of a teenage girl in Sacramento told her she couldn’t go on the Internet after 10 p.m., she crushed up sleeping pills and put them in milkshakes she bought them. Her parents were initially skeptical as to why the teen would buy something for them when usually all teens do is take, take, take and I never hear a thank you.

They also noted that the milkshakes tasted weird and only drank a quarter of them. But that was enough to get the teen what she wanted: her precious Internet time. Her parents conked out within the hour and she was free to Tumbl her little heart out.

“Drugging your parents so you can use the internet, never heard of that,” a neighbor told CBS. “That’s crazy.”

This isn’t the first time the girl has resorted to the drugging tactic; her mother says she’s in fact done it before, though perhaps not just to get online. Maybe the girl has been watching too much Twin Peaks on Netflix?

2013 is off to a great start!

Follow Jessica Roy on Twitter or via RSS. jroy@observer.com