Craigslist Goodies

Massage Girl Needed for ‘Media/Tech’ Guy Card Game in Williamsburg, No Olds Need Apply

Dream job!
(Photo: The Nervous Breakdown)

(Photo: The Nervous Breakdown)

Hey, ladies! Are you 18-25? Are you attractive and looking to make a little extra dough? Do you sometimes miss the gender tropes of the Mad Men era and long to be treated like a nubile piece of furniture? Well, you’re in luck!

A tipster sent us this Craigslist ad, the poster of which is looking for a “hostess/masseuse” for a private card club that takes place in Williamsburg, and it is quite the gem. Before you think this is a bunch of hipsters throwing back PBRs and playing Go Fish, the poster promises the crowd is much more upscale. “Its [sic] a very nice crowd of lawyers, media/tech people, advertising guys, and a mix of other professions – it is an upscale crowd but the atmosphere is very relaxed and friendly,” reads the post.

What will this hostess/masseuse be responsible for? Glad you asked:

“You will have to make and serve coffee and other drinks, snacks, order food for delivery, and help clean up around the club, but there is a lot of downtime too and overall the job is very easy and stress free.”

Hm, sounds a bit like a waitress, albeit catering to a clientele that approaches Peak Douche.

But oh, there’s more! (There’s always more.) You’ll also be responsible for giving “back massages for the players while they play cards.” For this service you will receive $1/minute, on top of your way-less-than-minimum-wage base pay of $5/hour (plus tip!). But our Craiglister promises that you will make at least $100-200/night, “depending how good you are at massage.”

But before you get all excited and head over to the ad to apply, you might want to check your ID: these bros only fuck with ladies 18-25, no olds allowed.

Bets on which techies are part of this card shark event are happily welcome in the comments.

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