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50 Pinterest DIY Projects You Are Definitely Not Doing This Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my friends from high school gave to me...

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By Kelly Faircloth 12/07/12 9:00am

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The holidays are upon us! Time to trim the tree and drink some cocoa. For crafty types, though, this is basically the Olympics. This is the main event, the reason they’ve trained so hard for so long. Pinterest is therefore flooded with impossibly intricate, over-the-top DIY projects.

But other than a few twee over-achievers, no one is actually going to try these. You will be too busy drinking eggnog until you fall over and combing Kmart for last-minute gifts.

Here are 50 of the crafts that you are almost certainly too lazy and/or otherwise occupied to actually do this holiday season.
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We prefer our "to-do" lists scrawled on the back of crumpled-up Burger King receipts.
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Only someone on a five-day meth binge can muster this level of attention to detail.
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That's some Sandra Lee tablescape shit right there.
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Uh, that's just a jar of candy with a label slapped on it.
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True, mustache rides are an important holiday tradition.
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You know, just some pinecones.
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We prefer the kind of trees you order via beeper.
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This seems like way too much money for way not enough gift.
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Sewn by hand, or harvested from dead Raggedy Ann dolls? Only you'll know for sure!
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You'll buy all the supplies, but end up wrapping everything in newspaper at the last minute.
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That's not even close to what we meant.
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Maybe time throttle back on the wine intake.
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Think of how that time could've been better spent, like watching a Real Housewives marathon.
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Late at night you wake up and there it is, just staring at you. Staring.
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This is the kind of task that especially sadistic Bridezillas give their bridesmaids.
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This will just make you sadder that you didn't buy a real tree.
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That's pretzels aren't even attached. That's just cheating.
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Pretty sure that's actually playdough?
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Worst. Hangover. Ever.
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And that's how you get roaches.
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Coincidentally, this is also what you'll see if you drop acid in front of the Christmas tree.
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For a good time, make these out of your mom's discarded copies of 50 Shades of Gray. Just kidding, she's never letting that go.
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This doesn't look organic.
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For everything else, there's Mastercard.
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A craft to keep you occupied with crafts for the entire holiday season.
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Yeah, not gonna happen.
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Mama June, is that you?
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=/
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It's already starting to teeter!
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Bridezilla strikes again.
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Look at your life. Look at your choices.
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Are they literally made of mud?
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Some things are better store-bought.
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Or you could just make some Toll House cookies and call it a day. Whatevs.
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The important thing is that you destroy all the books you could be reading instead of doing crafts.
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Girl, please.
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First you have to mug a shitload of elves.
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Get them hooked on materialism as young as possible.
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Doubles nicely as an ad for your great aunt's yarn store.
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Where would you even put this?
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No way does that enormous tub provide enough support to keep that tree upright.
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How do you have that damn many burnt-out bulbs lying around?
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Is that elf... pooping?
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Seems risky?
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Yeah, no way does that turn out right.
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How macabre!
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Just give the roaches their own stocking, why don't you?
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Right after this picture was taken one of the nine cats in the house where it was made swallowed all the buttons.
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You go to all that trouble, and the tiny candle only burns for 20 minutes.
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Now that's just cheap.

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