America awoke to the heart-wrenching news this morning that beloved junk food brand Hostess is closing up shop following a bakers’ strike. Unsure of how to express their angst over the death of Twinkies–which only have a shelf life of 30 days!–some New Yorkers have turned to Craigslist as an outlet for their dismay.
Disappointed Wonder Bread aficionados channeled their frustration into anti-liberal, anti-union rants. “Twinkies are dead :(,” lamented one, who went on to blame liberals. ”The funny thing about this is how long will it take before the fools realize that Obama is not the Messiah but just THE MESS,” wrote another. Zing!
Posters in the personals section had a different reaction to the devastating news.
“Hostess may be bankrupt but I still love Twinkies,” wrote one poster who called himself a “sweet daddy.”
“Shove my face into a pile of Ding Dongs,” reads another post in the m4m casual encounters section. Apparently the sad news of Hostess’s closing reminded him of “one of the hottest dates” he’s ever had, in which he engaged in sexual intercourse while his face was pressed into a pile of 50 Ding Dongs.
Hey, everyone grieves in their own way.