McAfee Speaks

John McAfee’s Latest, Greatest Disguise Involves Tampons Up His Nose

Mr. McAfee has started blogging about his experiences on the run and it is everything you expect.
 John McAfees Latest, Greatest Disguise Involves Tampons Up His Nose

This guy, but with shoe polish on his face. (Photo: Long Island Press)

Just when you thought the story of antivirus king John McAfee–who’s wanted for questioning by Belizean police for the murder of his neighbor Gregory Faull–couldn’t get any stranger, dude goes and starts a blog about how he’s managed to evade police by posing as a dolphin carving peddler who sticks tampons up his nose.

In a blog called Who is McAfee?, which suspiciously resembles a marketing ploy for the upcoming graphic novel about his life The Hinterland, Mr. McAfee spares no details in describing exactly what it’s like to be on the run from authorities in Central America. He writes of how he altered his appearance to avoid arrest by dying his hair and beard, darkening his skin with shoe polish and stuffing a “shaved down tampon deep into my right nostril and [dying] the tip dark brown – giving my nose an awkward, lopsided, disgusting appearance.” Whatever works? And instead of going into hiding in some underground bunker like a normalfugitive, Mr. McAfee has adopted some not-exactly-subtle personalities, perhaps as a “screw you” to police forces that are pulling out all the stops to track him down:

On subsequent days using different disguises, I did the same general thing, one day selling tamales and burritos that I had purchased wholesale from a real vendor, on another pretending to be a drunk German tourist with a partially bandaged face and wearing speedo swimming trunks and a distasteful, oversized Hawaiian shirt and yelling loudly at anyone who would listen – “Leck mich um ausch!”. At 67 years of age it was quite a spectacle.

For the uninitiated, Google translates “Leck mich um ausch” to “Lick me to Auschwitz.” (A reader wrote in to tell us that a more accurate translation might be, “Lick my ass.”)

Mr. McAfee has also put the spotlight on a 20-year-old woman named Samantha, who in addition to keeping him clothed and fed, has also used her womanly wiles to keep him out of jail:

She has also helped me evade detection by grabbing me and kissing me, in public, in a fashion that causes passerby’s to feel embarrassment at the thought of staring and by creating emotional scenes that cause the curious to momentarily forget what they were looking for.  She is acutely aware of her surroundings and is as street smart as a sober hobo.

We suppose galavanting around Central America in costume with a 20-year-old who adores you is preferable to choking on your own vomit in a Belize jail. But blogging about your escapades is inadvisable when wanting to stay hidden: Now Belizean police know that if they want to find Mr. McAfee, they needn’t look any further than the dude in blackface with a tampon up his nose.

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