Unlucky in money matters and possessing a startling lack of unicorn-like abilities, Betabeat was delighted to discover that magic spells are available for bidding and purchase on eBay. Users like starlightoddities are peddling magic like “CUSTOM SPELL FOR NYMPH GIRLFRIEND magic haunted sex love lust genie WORKS FAST” and “POWERFUL MAGIC SPELL-SPIRIT OF THE UNICORN haunted magick WEALTH, LOVE, FRIENDS.”
Yuk it up all you want, nonbelievers, but starlightoddities has 100 percent positive user feedback. “fast shipping, just waiting for the energy at the moment,” raved one customer. “Best spellcaster of all time!!!” declared another.
Of course, it’s tough to gauge just how effective these spells really are. It’d probably be pretty easy to tell if the penis-enlargement spell was successful. But how, for example, does one know if the spell to bond with the soul of a dragon worked? Are there metrics for firebreathing?
eBay doesn’t explicitly state whether or not magic spells are allowed on its list of prohibited items, so we have to assume they’re fair game. We’ve reached out to confirm, though.
Unfortunately, for those who do not feel their soul has merged with that of a genie, starlightoddities does not accept returns.
Guys. Terrible, terrible news. eBay got back to us regarding our interest in purchasing spells:
Thank you for getting in touch. eBay regularly reviews categories and updates our policies based on customer feedback. We are discontinuing a small number of categories (list below) within the larger Metaphysical subcategory, as buyers and sellers have told us that transactions in these categories often result in issues that can be difficult to resolve. [Ed. Note: If you summon a demon into your living room, we imagine that issue would be “difficult to resolve.”] We believe this update will continue to build on improvements within the eBay marketplace, for the benefit of our customers.
Everything Else: Metaphysical: Psychic, Paranormal > Readings
Everything Else: Metaphysical: Psychic, Paranormal > Spells, Potions
Everything Else: Metaphysical: Tarot Readings
It’s important to note that items that have a tangible value for the item itself and may also be used in metaphysical rites and practices (ie jewelry, crystals, incense, candles, and books) are allowed in most cases.