Get it? Disruptive? (Photo: flickr.com/californiawatch)

We receive a lot of pitches touting “disruptive” technologies. Healthcare, education, banking–name an old-line industry and someone is attempting to yank the rug out from underneath it.

Well, we’ve got a few pressing requests we’d like addressed. Namely:

1. Dry cleaning: It’s expensive, toxic, inconvenient, and it makes your clothes smell funny. Fix it.

2. Transcription: Whoever invents actual functional voice-to-text transcription will get more press coverage than he can possibly cope with. Trust.

3. The fashion industry, for real: We demand fashionable, well-made, reasonably priced non-standard-sized clothing. If your “revolutionary” fashion tech company doesn’t include petites and craps out at size 12, we’re not interested.

4. Housekeeping: Some of us are slobs. Someone please develop a platform that cleans our room but doesn’t just require that we hire a maid, because God help us we are also cheap.

5. The kitty litter industry: Aren’t you just dying to put Fresh Step out of business? Lazy cat ladies everywhere will thank you if you create some sort of self-cleaning litterbox.

6. Transportation: Specifically, we want a transporter. That’s right: Beam us up, Scotty. Disrupt the ever-loving shit out of the MTA, please, we are begging you.

7. Shake Shack: It’s right next to our office but the lines are too long.

8. Email: Specifically, we’d like a platform that requires other people to pay us in order to read their emails.

9. GIF creation: The barrier to entry for gif editors is too high. We demand a product our grandmas/we can use.

Also, we’d like to submit a formal request for “things that evaporate.” Perhaps someone could develop magazines that evaporate if we haven’t read them after a certain time period? Then maybe instantly appear on Instapaper? We’re just spitballing here.

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