Overlaid atop the nostalgic sounds of a modem circa 1995 is a rallying chant: "w-w-w. F-a-c-e-b-o-o-k. c-o-m." Yes, they are actually spelling out the entire Facebook URL, cheerleader-style.

We wish we could tell you it gets decidedly less corny from there, but we are journalists, so we're ethically obligated not to lie to you: it's really all downhill from the moment the first 80's-style guitar riff begins. There are old people lip syncing on a boat. There are people holding up signs declaring, "Thank you!" And of course, there's a rap breakdown.

The song was written and produced by Deborah Torres Patel, "Asia's leading voice and presentation coach," who seems to be running Singapore's version of the ARK Music Factory. Why on earth didn't she get Eduardo Saverin to make a cameo?