JOCKSTRAPPED

ESPN to Developers: ‘You Are Still Scrawny Twerps Who Us Jocks Will Still Stuff Into Lockers’

Hey Developers: Here’s some encouragement from those whose products you work extraordinarily hard to build out and bring into the modern era. Just some fun, words of encouragement to start your week off. Or as GroupMe worker bee Matt Langer noted: “Seriously? Fuck you, ESPN.”

Yes, here is how ESPN plans on attracting the best developing talent in the world to their company and their API:

espn to developers you are still scrawny little shits e1330970995703 ESPN to Developers: You Are Still Scrawny Twerps Who Us Jocks Will Still Stuff Into Lockers

Okay, okay. To be fair, they added a parenthetical:

tumblr m0fbluh0g21qz9aeqo1 500 ESPN to Developers: You Are Still Scrawny Twerps Who Us Jocks Will Still Stuff Into Lockers

Still, note the distinguishment between “nerds” and “awesome sports stuff,” as if

(A) Nerds are incapable of doing anything but servicing “awesome sports stuff.”
(B) “Awesome sports stuff” and “nerds” are generally mutually exclusive.
(C) They still have yet to fully process that thing with the hands and the eyes and the imaginary books the two guys on the Knicks keep doing. Maybe they’re making fun of “nerds”?
(D) They’ve run out of the creative force used to bring racist Asian puns into the equation because all of those resources have been devoted to covering Jeremy Lin, so they just decided to malign other people besides Jeremy Lin known for their mental dexterity.

Either way, here’s hoping some “nerds” show ESPN’s API what kind of “awesome sports stuff” they can build, like a single-serving app that launches a DDoS on Bristol, or something that prevents Chris Bermann from getting his third and fourth lunches.

[Further insight from Mr. Langer here.]

fkamer@observer.com | @weareyourfek

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