2011: WTF?

GRPN vs. BDNK (Or: The Battle Between My Fat, Pale Jewish Ass and Groupon)

Everything you should understand about Tech IPO's going into 2012 fittingly involves our pale, large ass and the effort we put into decreasing it.

THE RESULTS

$GRPN:

 

grpn tracking e1325267540144 GRPN vs. BDNK (Or: The Battle Between My Fat, Pale Jewish Ass and Groupon)

It’s like they knew. The day after this started, $GRPN spiked back up nearly $2, but plummeted shortly after Thanksgiving (a particularly treacherous stretch for $BDNK as well). After that, $GRPN inched its way back up to $24, before yo-yoing back down to shortly above $20, where we are today.

$BDNK:

[Here it’s worth noting that the way we can all tell I’m not lying is because my ridiculously overpriced gym has this scale thing where I log in with my thick, sausage-like fingerprint—yes, actually my fingerprint—and it uploads the results onto their website. Technology!]

 

bdnk nov GRPN vs. BDNK (Or: The Battle Between My Fat, Pale Jewish Ass and Groupon)

The day the bet started I weighed in at 197.8. After Thanksgiving, it was back up to 199.6. This was not looking good for BDNK. Then December started: After a drop down to 194, it was back up to 197.4. A trip to Vegas, a trip to Miami, an extraordinary craving for Cuban sandwiches (especially for a Jew), a bunch of holiday parties, and a chest infection did not help matters. And yet, in the end, for their patience with market forces and confidence in their investment, $BDNK’s investors saw steady ass reduction (or: growth in BDNK’s market value).

 

bdnk dec1 GRPN vs. BDNK (Or: The Battle Between My Fat, Pale Jewish Ass and Groupon)

With $BDNK results inverted to look like gains, the two charts for the last three months, side by side:

 

inverted bdnk chart e1325269219643 GRPN vs. BDNK (Or: The Battle Between My Fat, Pale Jewish Ass and Groupon)

and

 

grpn final GRPN vs. BDNK (Or: The Battle Between My Fat, Pale Jewish Ass and Groupon)

And there you have it.

Over the betting period, $GRPN saw a decrease in share price of 15.629%.
Over the betting period, $BDNK saw a decrease in mass (and thus, increase in share price) of 2.427 percent.

Unfortunately, I’m also not gaining any lean mass or really doing much for that whole “body fat” thing, which basically means I’m burning through my fat and into my muscle, which, if I continue on this route, will make me small and flabby instead of large and flabby. Which is really weird. I’ll look like that alien from American Dad. I should probably invest in a trainer.

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Comments

  1. Hunter Peress says:

    Groupon is a company built around a solid business model, it is fundamentally a company that helps average people save money. This is a much more solid business model than linked in. 

  2. I would like to comment about the zynga public offering . New issues are almost always bad investments the vast majority of these stocks are way over priced on purpose. I always recommend that investors stay away from these stocks.