HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL

Kim Kardashian Finally Loses. To The iPhone.

siri e1322593467706 Kim Kardashian Finally Loses. To The iPhone.

And to think: You've already done so much for us.

When human civilization as we know it is excavated in a few thousand years by aliens or Transformers or hyper-evolved talking cookies or whatever, they’re going to eventually find proof of Kim Kardashian, and ask themselves what will eventually manifest itself as the question crucial to understanding the core of our time in this universe: “Really?” Until then, she’s here, and she’s always winning. She’s beating us all. Anybody so painfully, utterly talentless who can continually produce massive profits off of a legal, seamless exploitation of society’s worst impulses is winning. If she IPO’d, I’d put my life’s savings on margin to invest in KIMK. This is just how it is.

Thankfully, December has brought us a bright spot in the otherwise murky cesspool of Western Society that involves her: Searches on The Internet. Which she has finally been beaten in. By the iPhone.

Reuters reports on information released by Yahoo today:

The digital media company said the smartphone proved more popular than reality television celebrity Kim Kardashian, pop star Katy Perry and singer and actress Jennifer Lopez, who placed in the top five…”This is the first time since 2002 that we have had a gadget at No.1, which is an iPhone.” Vera Chan, a Web trend analyst at Yahoo!, said in a conference call announcing the results of the review now in its 10th year.

Steve Jobs’ legacy lives on, and it wasn’t even having the worst day before this.

That said:

American Casey Anthony, the woman acquitted of the murder of her young daughter after a highly publicized trial, was No. 2.

So, you know, we’re still…us. But some hope is better than a black pool of nothingness where hope could possibly exist.

fkamer@observer.com | @weareyourfek

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